Thursday, March 6, 2014


What makes friends stop caring? I mean friends who are oceans apart? Is it the long distance? Like in "Out of sight, out of mind"? But I always believed that "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Looks like the first quote has more credibility.

I used to have heaps of friends I really cared about. They were good old friends who were part of my cherished memories. We had great moments together back in the Philippines.  Gradually, some started to moved out of the country in search of greener pastures. They were scattered to different continents. Yet, I loyally kept in touch with them. It went well. At first.

Then came my turn to migrate. Sure, it pained me to leave behind my remaining close friends there. But I must move on with my life too. During my first year in my new home, many of them showed interest in learning about my new life which I journaled in another website that has unfortunately closed down. I was glad that we were able to keep our friendship despite the distance. But then, as years flew by, the number of friends who care dwindled to merely two or three who mail me once in a while. (sigh)

Their silence, their not getting in touch at all switched on a mental spotlight aimed at some words they uttered: "you're just an e-mail away", "let's keep in touch", "keep your blogs coming", etc. I held up my end of the deal, sending greeting cards, postcards, letters, blog links, emails, which went unrecognized and unreciprocated. Then I got words that they were too busy or too lazy to write. I reactivated my sleeping FB account just to "meet" them there and thus keep our friendship. I took time like a caring friend to look at their posts and clicked like or dropped  comments. I got no acknowledgement. I posted links to my blog to update them. No one followed the links, except some from other continents. I tried and tried...still keep trying...and waiting.

I reached the point where I had to accept that those friends ceased to become part of my life. Friends care for each other. They find time in their busy lives to get in touch, even with just a simple hi or hello, or spare some time to read what they have to say as a way of updating them. Since these caring gestures have been missing for some years now, I have to move them out of my life and make room for the new ones who really care. Why stay friends with those who don't care at all? While I lost many, even those I believed to be my close friends, I gained and regained some, like long-lost friends from different countries with whom I've just been recently  reconnected and the ones I met online who proved to be caring and supportive. Best of all are the new friends I've met here who are truly loving and inspiring.

Accepting my loss of friends doesn't mean that they're out of my life for good. My arms are still open to welcome them back if they care. So my acceptance embraces two ways:  accepting the reality of losing my friends and accepting new friends who truly care.

O yes, despite the oddities of friendship, life is still good!

"With someone loyal, you act in loyalty;
With the blameless man you deal blamelessly;
With the pure you show yourself pure,
But with the crooked you show yourself shrewd"
- Psalm 18:25,26