Thursday, July 22, 2010

Searching For The Rugged Path

I was walking in the woods one day when a feeling of familiarity came over me. I stared at the path ahead of me and some thoughts stirred in my head. What was it? The path. There was something about that path, some connection with the past. And then it came. Yes, the rugged path!

How long had it been since my friend and I spoke about the rugged path? It was HER rugged path, her ideal path in the forest where she could walk by herself and just be alone with nature and her personal reflections. It’s been several years ago, and I had almost forgotten it.

Especially now that we’re oceans apart, there’s not a chance for us to discuss about it in a heart-to-heart way. I left her there in a place where her rugged path may not exist at all, but only in the perimeters of her mind. And I’m here in the northern hemisphere where such paths could be anywhere. But I need to find the right one.

So whatever forest I tread on, I keep looking around, searching for that path. All the while, I keep thinking about her and what’s going on with her now. We used to have fantastic times together as we went through our “intergalactic travels” as wholesome aliens. We embarked on a thousand voyages to literary wonderlands where we discovered interesting places and met literary friends whom we held dear in our hearts. We traveled together to different places and enjoyed thrilling rides like little children in some recreational park. We had fun together going to the movies, shopping in the malls, eating street foods and just being crazy. We shared joys and laughters,  pains and heartaches. We talked about a thousand diverse subjects that fed our intellect. Oh the many things we have enjoyed doing together!

I have missed them. Especially more so when she gradually disappeared into darkness, which locked her up for years. She said goodbye to the light, blocking the rays of hope from entering her heart. I almost gave up on her after seeing her seemingly adamant decision to remain in her dark tiny universe. And I got scared that I might never see her again, that our days in the sunshine had come to their end.

But then, after over four years of seclusion in her capsule of darkness, she finally found her way out and back to the light. It’s been a long and hard struggle with herself and with the forces of darkness, but somehow, she came out victorious, like a survivor that she had always been. My friend was back and I welcomed her with all my heart! And I hoped that she would keep herself in the light and not drift away again.

Sadly, though, we could never be together again. We could no longer do all those things that we had loved to do. No more heart-to-heart talks. No more intergalactic journeys….It was my turn to go away. Off to another “galaxy” where she may not follow me. She just came back, and I had to go away. How time plots! But maybe, someday, she would be able to follow me. I wish she would.

Where I am now, I still think of her, though I haven’t heard much from her for quite a time. I have no inkling about what’s going on with her now, except that she wants to tell me many things. Yes, I know, she has so much to tell me, her new life in the light, her latest inmost thoughts and feelings. And yet….

I keep looking and searching for the rugged path. I found some, but which one is closest to her heart?  Is it this?

Or this?

Or could it be this?

I wish I could find the exact one. Perhaps she would be there, sitting on a fallen tree and waiting for me. Perhaps she had come to bare her heart to her old loyal buddy who is always willing to listen to the outpourings of her heart. How I wish…